Size Matters

*warning possible food triggering pictures below

When I started this plant based adventure I wore a size 24/26 bottoms and 4x/5x top. A week and a half ago I had the pleasure of digging out my size 22 "skinny jeans" from the depths of my closest when it became apparent even a belt wasn't going to cut it. 

Yesterday I stood up to leave a meeting in the middle of the afternoon and felt the weight of my phone and keys in my pockets dragging those size 22 off of my hips. I was a astounded! 

The reason I was so shocked was because the night before I had gone to bed sure I had gained weight. Why?? Because I had eaten a "BAD" food to the point of being stuffed. What was this evil dweller? Roasted sweet potato fries with homemade ketchup. 

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If you had asked me how I felt last night before going to sleep I would have said " I know I am failing again." The even more shocking thing is this morning. I again had a overall sense of failure. So much so that pulling my size 22's out of the dryer and putting them on I did not notice a belt might be needed. 

How do I allow my perspective to shift so dramatically and then just accept it is fact? In truth I realize now that my body was hungry and needed something with some starch in it. I ate until I was full. This is actually what I am supposed to be doing.

This is why plant based eating has been such a gift to me. In the past a binge would have included food that was highly recommended by every doctor I have ever gone too. Those food weren't necessarily bad foods they were just not good foods for my body. The toll that the Cushings took on my metabolism meant that I could be dealing with the after effects of a food binge on one of the health foods shown above for days or even weeks. Often the only thing that made me feel better was to eat more food. 

My lack of success of weight loss eating the "good" food, led to the demoralizing cycle you see above. It was in that cycle that my perspective of good or bad foods came to be more prevalent in my mind. As well as judging myself to be a "good or bad" person depending on what food I had eaten. 

Add to that, steroid medication, horrible side effects, and debilitating pain. That leads to the food you pictured here. I mean if I am going to be "good" and still get fatter I might as well enjoy myself right? 

What I learned yesterday is that for the very first time. My body works when I eat plant based foods. I am not unworthy of feeling full or enjoying what I am eating. In fact it isn't a worthiness issue it is just what works for me. 

How crazy and revolutionary is that thought! I am moving on to size 20 I guess it's time for a shopping spree at the thrift shop.